I once was asked, what I see when I close my eyes
I told them the truth
I see the insides of my eyelids
they shook their head and asked another question.
"Don't you dream?"
I chuckled.
"Of course I do. I do it all the time.  I'm dreaming right now."
"what do you see"
I couldn't express it then.
Because my dreams shift.
they change and shift, unpredictable like roulettes.
But lately one dream keep coming back again and again.
A man.  A tall man.
He wears a dark cloak, drawn tight around him as if to shut out life itself.
he wears a white mask.  It is cracked, and the expression on it is a twisted
and obviously forced smile.
A false smile.
For from the eyes of the mask run tears.
From his back grow wings.
false wings, like some kind of clockwork toy.
But the gears are rusted, worn, torn and overused.
And then as if a wall separated it, the sky turned half night and half day.
split down the middle along the top of a hill.
The man in black stands in the dark side of the hill, facing the light.
From the heavens descended an angel.
Pure white gown, wings like silver.
And then as if to offset this...
the angel's skin is the color of chocolate
With hair close to the shade of black, yet somehow not quite there.
The angel stands on the hill, looking back at the masked man.
For a brief second they stare into each other's eyes...
and then angel finally removes MY mask.
I stand on the dark side of the hill, with my dark cloak and cogwork wings.
And the angel merely smiles to me and wipes the tears
She leans up close to me, and presses her lips to mine.
And I know that finally.
Finally I'm not just a toy to someone
that no matter how bad and used I feel
This angel will love me
I reach into the cloak and pull out my heart.
A scarred, stitched contraption
it has been winded up like a toy, and beaten and abused just like a toy
The angel reaches into her gown
and pulls out her heart
pure, untouched and wonderful, like glass
and she takes this jewel and entrusts it to me
and I give her my heart, knowing that she won't break it
and I fear I might break hers
but then I see her smiling face
and I know that I could never break that heart
But in the end, I always end up waking from that dream
and I'm still where I was
And my angel is far away from me again
but I know, I know that someday
I can give her my torn up heart
and she'll entrust me with her beautiful heart
I'm clawing my way up the hill
wanting to see her
wanting to hold her
wanting her close to me
I miss you, my angel
I miss you so much